Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I just need to rant

Sooooo..... yeah. As the title says, I just need to rant. SO many bomb shells have been hitting me all of a sudden.
I will start with the least important.
I just found out that instead of TWO Hobbit movies, Peter Jackson will be doing THREE Hobbit movies!!!!! THREE!! When did this happen?? In a way I'm kind of excited because it just means the movie will be longer (LotR's length I'm guessing.... 9-10 hours with all three movies). On the other hand, it just means a longer wait for all the movies....
Still, THREE Hobbit movies? The story is so simple.... In my mind it can barely fit in two movies. Are they putting the Silmarillion in it as well or something? Either that or Peter Jackson is taking waaaay too many liberties with Tolkien's book. I really, really, really hope they don't mess up the Hobbit because it is one of my favorite books and I will be maaaaad if they mess it up too much.

Now onto the more serious issues. This first one is more sad than rantish and I will probably be doing a more in-depth blog post on this later.

On July 27th my Grandpa (dad's dad) died.
This is the first grandparent I've lost.
Instead of going to the youth conference this week, my family and I went up to Canada for the funeral (which was more a memorial service).
It was a very, very blessed time. For the past 12 or so years my Grandpa suffered from Alzheimer's disease. For the past 3 or 4 years he didn't know anything or anyone. He would just sit with his eyes closed. In the past few weeks he hadn't been eating. It is such a blessing that he is with the Lord now. He is much happier now, I am positive.
I never knew my Grandpa. My mom says he was a hard person to get to know - made ever harder with the Alzeheimer's. I was very happy to go to the memorial service to kind of get to know Grandpa. It was very wonderful and I am so happy I went to Canada instead of to the conferenc! (which I was nervous about anyway.... And my ticket went to a non-believer who had been asking questions so that's ever better! I would rather my ticket go to her than to me).
Anyway, I might do a different blog post about my Grandpa.

The third and final rant is about my church once more.... (remember the one about youth leaders?).
The past few months our worship team grew so so so much. My church is only about 80 people so it's great blessing that we had such a big worship team. When we first started coming to this church 9ish years ago they were doing worship from CD's because they didn't have a piano player. My mom became piano player and no more canned music!
Anyway, in the past year or so our worship team has grown SO much. Lots and lots of people. Now, one of our guitarists (who was only here for the summer interning) is going back to college. One young couple (guitarist and singer) were transferred to Virginia with his work. And I just found out that our worship team leaders (husband and wife that play guitar and sing) are leaving our church. That leaves about 6 or 7 people on our worship team. Not 6 people a week. 6 people period. I honestly do not know what to say. I understand every one's reasons for leaving and if God is calling someone somewhere else, I'm not about to argue with God! If God is calling you, go! Don't let anything stand in your way!
I'm just kind of at a loss.... I will be the lead singer. Me. I'm not sure how to handle this. One, it's a HUGE responsibility and means I will probably have to be on worship team a lot more. Two, this school year is going to be the absolute busiest yet. I'm not sure if I have enough time for everything!
Plus, now we don't have a worship team leader.... No one to pick the songs to sing each Sunday. No one to introduce new songs.
Luckily they don't leave until the fall. I pray and hope that God will provide some sort of solution before then.

Anyway, I feel like crying. I've been feeling alone a lot lately. This is just making me feel more alone.... Like these people don't want to mentor me and other young people in the church. They are just thrusting the responsibility onto us and expecting us to go from there.... I feel the same about not having someone to disciple me. I often put on the air that everything is fine in my life. But I've hit a bump. I have no idea how to even begin to start learning more about God and reading His Word. And I have my problems just like everyone else, even if they aren't as severe as others. I feel like I'm left alone to figure everything out on my own.

I don't know. I guess I could use some prayer. And lots of prayer for my church. Right now everything in my personal life seems to be falling apart and I'm not sure what to do other than just weather through the storm. The best way to do that is for me to keep busy. Which is why tomorrow I will be starting up everything again. Schoolwork (yay!) and music lessons. Hopefully that will keep me going until the wind blow away the gray clouds and brings the blue skies back (metaphorically. In reality, I would rather the weather be cloudy than clear).

I may be surronded by a million people, I still feel all alone.
(Home by Michael Buble.)


  1. Oh goodness, I know how you feel, especially those last couple paragraphs. You pretty much described exactly what I'm going through right now. I feel kind of guilty or selfish for feeling like this, but I can't seem to escape it. I'll definitely pray for you and we'll get through it together. :) Thank you for sharing your heart; I'm not as alone as I thought! It spoke to me.

    I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I've never been close with my grandparents, but I can't imagine losing them all the same. I'll pray for you in that as well. It's great, though, that God used this time to bless so many, especially your non-believing friend.

    I'll pray that He'll lift you up in a difficult time like this and give you wisdom to deal with all the hard things.

    Also, about The Hobbit...THREE now? I've watched the trailer with my brothers, and we discussed in depth, but yeah, I really don't see how they could stretch the story across three full-length movies. I'm still excited, though!

    Anyway, I'd like to hug you from afar. You are awesome and you always have such insightful thoughts. :)

  2. Definitely praying, Abbey. I know how it is to lose a grandparent- I lost both of my grandpas. It's painful, but I know that they're happy now, and that they're with Jesus.
    It would suck if they twisted the plot too much in the Hobbit. Even though I've never read the book, it irks me when they change way too much stuff in movies.
    And with the church thing- stay strong. There's gonna be someone to mentor you. For me, I have my parents. Some people have youth leaders. God will provide for you, my friend.

  3. I will definately be praying for you, Streaky!
    Also, let it be known I believe in the idea that crying helps. Just let yourself cry. It helps relieve the stress and lets you think clearer.
    I hope everything gets sorted out!

    Also, WHAT?! How the heck do you fit the Hobbit into three movies? It's too short! And the Silmarillion...If they include that, I'll sleep. It was questionably one of the more boring things I've read.