"Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." –Psalm 139:14

Increasingly over the years, I've come to bash myself internally. If I do something wrong, it's because I'm stupid and an idiot. You don't know how many times the phrase Abbey, you're an idiot has floated through my brain.
Almost always the act of "wrong" that sends me spiraling down into verbal self-abuse is relationship-based. I was a shy child. I've worked hard to overcome this shyness and I'm proud of my accomplishment. This does not make talking to people any easier, despite what you may think. Starting conversations is especially difficult.
My bubble of shyness may have been pierced, but there are still certain people I'm not comfortable talking to: namely, the "popular" kids. You know the ones... the vivacious girl, the laid-back-cool-jock-dude. I stumble through conversation with these people, and then worry incessantly that what I've said will be held against me. If I avoid talking to them, I imagine they are behind my back thinking Why is Abbey being so antisocial? Sometimes she'll talk to us, but other times she avoids us. Does she think she's better than us?
The Bible says to rebuke in gentleness (Galatians 6:1) and that's what my mom did last night. I came to her with my worries and she told me that I focus too much on me. She's right. It's selfish to wonder what people are saying or thinking about you, whether or not their opinion is good or bad. It's nice to have compliments, of course, but in the end, whose opinion really matters? God's. How does worrying what so-and-so was thinking when you tripped up the stairs advance God's Kingdom? It doesn't, and that's why that kind of thinking is so destructive.
The verbal self-abuse that follows is also destructive. Think about it: when you say Oh man, Abbey, you did it now, you stupid idiot! you are really saying: Oh man, God, you did it now, you stupid idiot!
Who created me and you? God.
"So God created man in his own image." Genesis 1:27.
"I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 239:14.
"The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life." Job 33:4.
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in him." Ephesians 2:10.
When you—when I—curse yourself you are, in essence, cursing God, because God made you—made me!—in His own image. He knew us before we were born, he sculpted us in our mother's wombs. Does the God of the Universe, who created this whole world with its billions of brilliant blues and its bazillions of shades of greens, make mistakes? Was the Platypus a mistake, or the beetle that has an explosive chamber in its stomach, a mistake? No. The Platypus looks weird for a reason. The beetle with the bomb in its stomach uses it for self-defense.
What about you—what about me? When we call ourselves stupid we are calling God's creation a mistake. When we wish we were dead, we are shirking our responsibilities to the Most High.
The answer is not self-abuse. The answer is God and furthering His Kingdom. Focus on helping someone, or reaching out to someone who usually stands alone at church or at school, instead of what other people will think. Other people's opinions don't matter! Their opinions will last 100 years at most; or, if they happen to be famous, maybe a few hundred years more. God's opinion lasts forever. I would rather impress Him than all the cool-jock-dudes in the world.


You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
     even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.

 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
     even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-18

Happy Easter!

Christ is risen!

He is risen indeed!

Some people

I've been thinking about this post since last night and I just have to write it, even at the unreasonable hour of 11:42.

Watching interviews with lovely British people has brought considerable joy into my heart in the past.

They are amazing actors.

Wonderful people in general.

Amazingly smart and dashing.

Hilarious and extremely interesting in real life.

Scrolling through quotes from interviews of the above is nearly as good as watching the interviews themselves (and takes up considerably more time, especially if said pictures are found on Pinterest. No, I don't have an account. Yes, I still spend too many hours on it.)
But after watching interviews for an hour (time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'... into the future...) or scrolling through Pinterest for two, I always leave feeling empty and a little dumber. (And then I feel remorse at wasting my time and give up interviews and Pinterest and fling myself into the waiting arms of some Literature book and thusly, feel smart again.)
Only the other day did I realize what the emptiness was. Let me describe said emptiness first.
I felt like I should love Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston as much as the other girls. I felt like I should "fangirl" over them too. After all, they are pretty much the epitome of the Perfect Male on earth, right?








I mean, aren't they just the most adorable things in the entire universe?!? (Notice my satirical sarcasm here. I'm turning into Mr. Bennet. In 50 years you'll find me penniless, holed up in my library, laughing at the world's follies.)
Anyway, back to the point...

Stephen Fry. He plays Jeeves. He also plays the Master of Laketown. He is also the narrator for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie. He has wonderful facial expressions.

And he's in extremely interesting person. He has all sorts of witticisms, and advice on how to live in a not so great world. People love him. Like I said, I find him very interesting, but I just can't love him.

Hugh Laurie. He's Stephen Fry's best friend. They went to university together, along with Emma Thompson. All three were a part of the same comedy group at uni that Monty Python came out of. He played Bertie Wooster. He played Mr. Palmer. He also makes hilarious facial expressions.

 

He plays BLUES. He's amazing pianist, singer, and songwriter. But I just can't love him.

Shall I go on? One more.

Tom Hiddleston. Loki, the most beloved villain, from the Avengers franchise. In real life, Tom Hiddleston holds a degree in literature. He is very very very well-versed in Shakespeare and other classic literature. This gives him a high ranking in my sight. He is also a great actor, very handsome, and has an adorable laugh (which would be perfect for one Sir Percy Blakeney).

But I just can't love him the way other fangirls do. (Not that I'm a fangirl. I'm not and never wish to be.)

Why, why can't I be so dippy for these British men? Why do I fill with increasing indifference and even - dare I say? - dislike when I watch more and more interviews conducted with them?
The answer his me square in the face the other night.
It's because they are missing something.
An important something that stops me from lavishing unequivocal praises on them. Something that stops me from setting them up as a role model. Something that stops me from saying "I want my future husband to be polite to me like Tom Hiddleston would!"
It's Jesus.
These men are missing God in their lives.
They are successful, loved everywhere they go. They claim to be happy and peaceful. But I don't believe real, true peace (peace that transcends understanding - Philippians 4) can be had without God. I don't believe you can experience full happiness and fulfillment without God. Even successful people feel it. There was a football player who said something along the lines of, "I have a lot of money which could buy me anything, but I still feel empty."
Celebrities, regardless of whether or not they are British, just don't appeal to me. They could be the politest, smartest, and bestest, but they just don't fit the bill. I don't love them. I don't envy them. I think that to love them, and to continue to excessively watch interviews and scroll through their pictures would be idolatry. My example is Jesus Christ. Everyone else pales in comparison to him. My other examples are godly men. My dad, my pastor, others in my church. I'd much rather spend a day when them than with Tom Hiddleston or Ramin Karimloo (to be fair, he's not British. He's an Iranian Canadian. Which rhymes. Wait for it...)

The most I can say for these people is that I "greatly admire and esteem them." Most girls out there are probably thinking "Use those words again and I shall leave the room!" I shall leave saying:
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.
1 John 2: 15-17  

"It's good fun for a hermit."

Perhaps not so fun if you were an Original Hermit, from the 4th century.
"Hermit" comes from a Greek word meaning "of the desert" or "desert dweller."
In the 4th century, the first hermit appeared. His name was Paul of Thebes. He had a followed named Anthony the Great.
The goal of hermits was to isolate themselves and encounter God through prayer.
Out of this, sprung Monasticism, which eventually grew into monkhood.
When Monasticism first showed up in the 4th century, however, it was seen as the "new martyrdom." In the first few centuries AD, Christianity was illegal and those found practicing it were killed, or pitted against lions in the arena.

Martyrs were seen as the heroes of Christianity. It was an honor to die for the faith. Then Emperor Constantine made Christianity legal and martyrdom became extinct.
In Monasticism, the person renounces worldliness and focuses on spiritualness. Celibacy, poverty, and obedience were major aspects. They believe that it's the heart and the spirit (devoted to God) that matters. Because of this, Monastics often went without eating, bathing, or sitting down. Often they wouldn't change their clothes, and if bugs crawled over them (one man supposedly had worms living in his teeth), they wouldn't mind, because the body would eventually decay in the ground anyway. It's the soul that matters.
One man went out into the desert to be alone with God, but found a crowd of lookie-loos waiting for him, so they could observe this strange new aspect of Christianity. The man didn't want to go back to civilization, and he didn't want to stay with the crowd in the desert, so he did the only thing he could do. He went up. Literally. He build a pillar, allegedly 72 feet high, and lived up there for 30+ years. He would stand on one leg, and then the other (because there wasn't enough room to sit or lie down) and he would preach to the crowd below him.

All this is rather odd to the 21st century Christian. The first thing that presents itself to me is the Bible verse about our bodies being temples of God (and we should take care of them). The Monastics had Bible verses to back up their way of living (some verses of Paul's about giving up the world, and something about the body as well, but I can't remember).
But, if you think about it, their way of living did have certain things going for it.
For one, they didn't "love the world or anything in the world" (1 John 2:15), and they spent lots and lots and lots of time in prayer - in communication with God.
Our pastor is going through Luke in his sermons and, even though we're only 6 chapters in, do you know how many times that Jesus has gone off by himself already (to be in the presence of God, to spend time talking with the heavenly Father). Four times. The first time was when he was a little child and stayed behind at the temple to listen to the men teaching there. When Mary and Joseph found him they were upset but he said "Didn't you know I had to be in my father's house?" Had being the imperative word.
Today, in too many Christians lives (my own included), God is pushed to the side. He is, ultimately, Lord of our lives, but it's more of an aloof partnership. Do you think God wants that? No, of course not! He created us to be in relationship with Him, and even though sin did a nasty job of separating us from God, he still yearns for us to know Him. And not just know as in knowledge. In Hebrew, the word for know is yada which doesn't just mean "knowledge." It means to perceive, to distinguish, to know by experience.
A knowledge brought about by experiencing God.
And how do we go about knowing God in such a deep fashion?
Well, the way you would get to know anyone. Spend time with them.
Read the Bible, pray everyday (and you'll grow, grow, grow).
Jesus did that. He took time away from the crowds, from the disciples, from everything periodically to go and spend time just talking with God.
In Luke 6 he goes to a mountainside and spends the entire night praying to God.
How many times have you purposefully set out to pray the whole night through? I know I've never done that.

Though the Monastics way of life was rather extreme, they took this aspect of WWJD? to another level. They wanted to know God, and spent there days, their months, their years doing just that: praying and seeking God. They left everything behind.

The world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back. No turning back.

Welcome 2014!

2013: A Year in Review.

The most exciting thing that has happened to me this past year is the spiritual growth I have gone through. One of last years goals for 2013 was to grow in my faith in God and wow! has that come true! God is faithful, God listens, and God is awesome. I made decisions at the beginning of the year to eliminate certain youtube shows and sitcoms from my life. They were polluting my mind and going against Philippians 4:8 (whatever is pure, right, wise, etc... think on these things). I believe that this will be a lifelong problem but with God on my side, who can be against me?
As well as this, I went through two "studies" (one was a Bible study and the other our pastor's sermon series) on modern day idols. As a result, I'm very very careful around sci-fi shows, British television, books and certain actors. It is my goal not to make them an idol in my life - not to place them above my commitment to God, his word, and his commission.

The other goals which I posted on my blog for 2013 are as follows:

Continue to study hard. I think I did a relatively good job on this... until October. The past three or four months have been really hard on my studying. Editing/publishing my book, NaNoWriMo, and many musical recitals wiped me out. I'm looking forward to starting school again, though!

Write three novels. I wrote two, taking part in Camp NaNoWriMo in April, and regular NaNoWriMo in November.

Read at least 40 books (later, in my mind, I changed this to 50). Check! 69 books this year! Wow! I think that's the most "grown-up" books that I've ever read in my life! (When I was little, we would go to the library and pick up 50 picture books each week. They'd all be done by the time we went back the next week. But those don't count in 'the most books ever in one year' category.)

What else did I accomplish this year?

The biggest thing was publishing my book... After the Twelfth Night. I am SO glad that it's over and done with.

My musical abilities really soared. In piano, I just started my first ten page song, and I've learned to use my voice properly.

I learned that there were Prisoners of War in America during World War Two (see the post Algona, Iowa).

I attended several conferences with members of my youth group and did some fun stuff with other youth groups as well.

I finished reading The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien! That is a feat indeed.

My future has solidified. After my senior year next year I will go off to college to study youth ministry, music ministry, literature, and English.

Top Tuesdays started (I think I started that this year... now I'm not sure) and after six+ months, mysteriously stopped.

As well as continuing to watch Doctor Who, I was introduced into the Marvel franchise, and also in the Harry Potter franchise (by watching the first movie on TV the other night).

So what's in store for the new year?
Here are my plans...

Continue to get to know God, study his word, and make him first and foremost in my life. Read my Bible, pray everyday, and I'll grow... grow... grow...

Continue to study studiously. Finish my Algebra book!!! And get through Algebra II if possible...

Continue growing is my musical pursuits.

Visit my friend's college and start looking into which colleges would best fit God's plan for my life.

Witness to people about the love of God.

Do NaNoWriMo and win! Write a short story a day. Or, just write every day. Especially in my new story idea... (Last year my new story idea was a Defenders of the Realm which fell through. But this new story... well, I think it will stick around for awhile. At least, I'd really like it to.)

I'd really like to catch up on Doctor Who... if that's possible.

Read 100 books! Scary... I don't know if I'll be able to complete that one.

Get more geeky clothes.

Re-watch Star Trek Deep Space Nine.

EDIT: Read Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.

How about you all? Did you complete any goals you had made last year? What about goals for this upcoming 2014?

Live long and prosper!

For Unto Us a Child is Born

Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the nations, by the Way of the Sea, beyond the Jordan.
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder.
For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire.
For to us a child is born, to us a son in given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.
Isaiah 9:1-8

Merry Christmas!

I believe what I believe makes me what I am.

I'm back from the conference!

Thank you all SO much for the prayers! I really appreciate it. By the grace of God I did not get a migraine the whole week! Hurray!
Though I didn't have any huge spiritual awakenings, I realized several places in my life where I could stand to be more Christ-like, and therefore, will be working on those areas. Also, I learned some great new verses! Like these two (which kind of go together):

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel.
Ephesians 6:19

Thanks again for all your prayer.

Sometime in the next few days I should have my finishing post for Nerd Life (hosted by the lovely Clair) and my end-of-the-month update thingy with next month's goals tagged on at the end.

Before I leave you, I want to tell you about this amazing deal I got today. My mom and I went tennis shoe shopping and on our way home, just randomly stopped at an estate sale. Guess what I got? The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, illustrated by Rockwell Kent, published in 1936.... FOR ONE DOLLAR!
I have been searching for Shakespeare's complete works for a number of years, and I wanted a specific version - the kind where they put the whole name of the characters, instead of abbreviating them. This version has their whole names! Hurrah!

And now I leave you with this - the best thing you've seen all day:

Live long and prosper.

P.S. Excuse any confusingness... I'm practically asleep on my feet. I can't think I'm so tired. Goodnight.

The Old Man And The Sea - a review.

No Top Tuesdays today. Instead, a book review! (This review will have spoilers.)

Title: The Old Man And The Sea (our last literature book for the school year).

Author: Ernest Hemingway.

Synopsis: An old man goes out to sea to catch a fish.

My rating: 5/10 stars.

My thoughts: I can't even split this review into good and bad things.... There were, of course, a few bad things... a couple swear words. That's about it.
Ernest Hemingway's writing style did amaze me, though. It's so simple and short. I really liked that.
That's about the only good thing I can say about the book because I didn't enjoy it. Maybe it was because my mom hates it. Maybe it's because I listened to it with her years and years ago when she had to read it for a book club. Maybe it's because of the plot.... It's so simple. A man goes out to catch a fish. He catches a fish. Sharks eat the fish. He comes home.
We were challenged to find allegory and hidden meaning behind every little thing in the book (which, personally, I hate doing. Maybe Ernest Hemingway meant it to be a book about a man and a fish!)
Anyway, I did the assignment and found an allegory. What's amazing about it is that everything I have been struggling through and learning the past six months (in church, youth group, and Sunday school) all tied into the allegory that I found. Isn't that amazing? I love it when that happens. So, while this allegory is completely true, I think I could have just as easily found it by reading Ecclesiastes (which my Sunday school just finished studying) than by reading The Old Man And The Sea.

Santiago (the Old Man)'s journey could mean that people chase after something all their lives but once attained, it is lost again (for Santiago, he chased this huge fish out to sea, only to have it eaten by sharks). Ecclesiastes 5: 11-15 puts it this way:

"As good increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them?
The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep.
I have seen a grievous evil under the sun: wealth hoarded to the harm of its owner, or wealth lost through some misfortune, so that when he has a son there is nothing left for him.
Naked a man comes from his mother's womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand."

I think this is true. People who are not living with Jesus, people who don't know the hope that he inspires, go on with their monotonous daily lives, not knowing that there is more! There is much more to life than getting up, eating breakfast, going to work, coming home again, going to bed, and repeating that day after day.
People can amass lots of things, or they can become famous, or they can have a great job or family or salary or whatever.... They have the "big fish" but it is all meaningless. When they die, they can't take their riches and job and family with them. When they die, they go to hell and suffer eternal separation from God. To me that's the worst part. When I was thirteen I decided to take my parent's faith as my own. For a while I lived for God because I wanted to go to heaven and be perfect. I wanted heaven for what it would do for ME. But now, I want to go to heaven to be with my Lord. I don't want to be eternally separated from him! That would be horrible!
Revelation 21: 1-8 paints a good picture of what hell (and a bit of heaven) will be like:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'
He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'
He said to me: 'It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all the liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.'"

That sounds pretty hopeless doesn't it?
But there is hope. Jesus came to earth - he left his perfect heaven and his perfect father - just to save me and just to save you. They hammered nails through his hands and feet into a piece of wood. And when he died, he took every single last sin, however big or small, of every single person past, present, and future, onto himself. Just imagine that. Imagine every little white lie you've told. Now imagine every little white lie that everyone else that has lived in the past 2000 years has told. Jesus took all of those little white lies on himself - plus all the other sins! - and he went to hell and back. Do you know why he did that?
Because he LOVES us. He loves us so much that he was willing to suffer unimaginable pain. For us! And we don't even deserve it! That's where amazing grace comes in:

"For God so love the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world thought him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.
This is the verdict: Light has some into the world, but men love darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.
John 3: 16-21."

Jesus died for us so that we can go to heaven to be with him, but it is so much more than just saying the prayer and going to church every week.

Matthew 28: 18-20 says:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to every everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"

And Acts 1:7-8 says:

"He (Jesus) said to them: 'It is not for you to know the times or the dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.'"

That's what Jesus said right before he was taken up into heaven. He wants us to go proclaim his kingdom! He wants us to share our hope! Not just keep it to ourselves. He doesn't just want us to proclaim his kingdom, he expects it. "Therefore GO and make disciples of all nations." Of course, not all of us are called to be the next Paul, travelling all over the world, being foreign missionaries. There are many ways to spread the gospel right at home. In fact, I think I'm doing it right now.

There is a cost to following Jesus. Just read this story at the end of Luke 9:

"As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, 'I will follow you wherever you go.'
Jesus replied, 'Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.'
He said to another man, 'Follow me.'
But the man replied, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.'
Jesus said to him, 'Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.'
Still another said, 'I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.'
Jesus replied, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'"

You may be thinking that Jesus is being a little harsh... After all, burying your father and saying goodbye to your family aren't bad things. They aren't sins. But Jesus' point is that if you put those things above him, then they are wrong. Because Jesus should be number one in our lives. Anything could be bad (even if it's good in our eyes) if we are putting it above our love and worship of God.
We need to live our lives according to his will.

Philippians 4:8 says:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

For me, this goes hand in hand with putting God first and living life according to his will.
Last year, I watched a lot of videos on youtube.... I would watch videos from Ellen DeGeneres' channel and I would watch a lot of Kids/Teens/Elders/Youtubers React (which is a youtube show where two brothers show videos to the groups of people afore mentioned and capture their reactions on tape). Now.... Ellen's videos - though funny - aren't always the cleanest... She makes a lot of raunchy jokes. The React videos were cleaner... but I began to become obsessed with them. I couldn't WAIT to go online and start watching them and I couldn't WAIT for the next one to come out. Which video would they show next??? Who would have the best reaction???? And, though they were a bit cleaner than Ellen, there was still a good bit of swearing and inappropriate content (both from the Reactors and the videos that were shown).
I was really struggling with this near the beginning of this year. I realized that the things I was watching weren't true, right, noble, and (most of all) pure. I didn't want to keep filling my head with this garbage - God wouldn't want it. And so, even though I enjoyed watching these videos immensely (they were funny! And I love a good laugh) I made the decision to cut them out of my life. I think I've only watched one or two Ellen videos since then (and part of an episode on TV... because she was interviewing Harry Connick Jr. And I LOVE him. Plus they are hilarious - and pretty clean - when they are together. They quibble).
Then my mom and I started watching Friends..... Not only was that the most impure show I have EVER seen, it kept me up way later than I should have.
So, more recently (in the past two months) we have stopped watching Friends (and other sitcoms).
There are still impure things that I see (I think of Elementary... and even 'good' shows like Doctor Who) and think about. I'm not perfect. There's always going to be sin in my life. The only way for me to be completely cured is to die and go to heaven. But I can try and do my best to honor God. He will always forgive me when I mess up. (King Manasseh from the book of Judges did so much evil in the eyes of the Lord, that God had the Assyrians stick a ring in his nose and drag him away. While he was captured, he repented, and - even though he had worshipped Baal and Ashtoreth - God forgave him. God loved Manasseh, even though he did evil).

Bringing this back to The Old Man And The Sea.... Unlike Santiago and the people in this world who are going after the "big meaningless fish," I have meaning in my life.
I'm trying to live for my Lord and savior. It gives me great purpose and infinitely more satisfaction than those filler things (like Ellen, Friends, and - even more recently - bookshelf tour videos and books themselves) which were trying to take the place of God. It really does. I feel so much satisfaction writing this blog post about God - the savior of the universe! - than I do writing about Doctor Who or Star Trek or any of the other things I normally post about on Tuesdays....

Proverbs 3: 7-8 says:
"Do  not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Life is meaningless, like chasing after the "big fish" (or, as Ecclesiastes says many times, "like chasing after the wind." You can't catch the wind!). But with God, there is purpose and meaning to life.

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
Ecclesiastes 12: 13.

Amazing Grace

For God so love the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world thought him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed In the name of God's one and only Son.
This is the verdict: Light has some into the world, but men love darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.
John 3: 16-21.

Because sometimes we need a reminder. A reminder that God sent his son to take on everyone's sin - my sin, your sin - simply because he LOVES us. More than anyone else in the universe.
And also because, though John 3:16 is a wonderful verse on it's own, the rest of it - it's context - is important as a whole.
God sent his one and only son to be slaughtered because God loves us. But we love darkness instead of light. We hate the light, because the light will expose our sin. But whoever believes in God will be saved by him. Once we come into the light, others can see that we throw away our love of darkness and everything we do is done through Christ Jesus.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10: 31

Postponed. Oh no, Christmas is canceled!

I am postponing today's Top Tuesdays until tomorrow because I have something important to talk about that I have been thinking about for a few months now.

Fandoms.

Wikipedia says that a Fandom is....
Fandom (consisting of fan [fanatic] plus the suffix -dom, as in kingdom, freedom, etc.) is a term used to refer to a subculture composed of fans characterized by a feeling of sympathy and camaraderie with others who share a common interest. Fans typically are interested in even minor details of the object(s) of their fandom and spend a significant portion of their time and energy involved with their interest, often as a part of a social network with particular practices (a fandom).

So basically, a fandom is a community of fanatics.... Some examples of different fandoms would be: Sherlock, Doctor Who, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.... it goes on and on. Anything geeky and popular will probably have a fandom.

Those who know about fandoms and BBC are probably aware of this phrase:

 

I have mostly seen this phrase in correlation to Sherlock... And Doctor Who whenever someone dies. "Right in the feels" pretty much means that something angsty (anxiety, pain, fear) happens (usually a character dies) and because the person behind the screen was so attached to the characters or the storyline that they feel pain at whatever happened.

Now, this post is going to take a random turn... But remember "the feels."

In "A Scandal in Belgravia" (Sherlock season 2, episode 1) Irene Adler says, "Brainy is the new sexy" and I think she's right (despite my dislike of the S word. And of Irene herself). A few years ago you were popular if you loved makeup and Justin Bieber and Twilight and frilly, girly things. And boys and Disney Channel and stuff like that. Now, however, the tables are turning. With shows like Doctor Who and The Big Bang Theory becoming so popular all over the world, the tides are turning towards geekiness. More girls are now becoming obsessed with BBC shows and sci-fi and fantasy are replacing Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place - the Highschool Musical that every little girl dreamed of. Now girls dream of The Doctor coming to pick them up in the TARDIS.
I look at people's blogs (mostly random people) and I see people's Pinterest's (again, mostly random people) and I feel sad. They obsess over these BBC shows and these BBC guys and really, I see no difference between girls obsessing over Zac Efron and David Tennant. I see true geekery as knowing everything about the shows... For example, knowing how to talk in Klingon, or knowing the history of Gallifry, or knowing how to write in Elvish. Knowing the little things. Simply obsessing over something, doesn't really give much depth.... The depth comes in knowing the little things.
Anyway, that's not my point.
I feel SO sad for the people that only obsess over TV shows, geeky or not. For me, it's great to be known as the "Trekkie" at church. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel unique. For other girls, I think it feels good to be "geeky." They want to fit in (and hey, if hot, time travelling aliens are involved, it's just an added bonus!). It's fun to post funny pictures and "get the reference." (Did you guys get the one in the title??? It's from Sherlock!!)
I know I enjoy looking at funny pictures. But... is that all?
It that all there is to life?
No.
Of course not.
But do all the fangirls know that? I don't know. I don't know what they think.
But it makes me very very sad to see people obsessing over TV shows. Things that don't matter. Life should be spent doing better things. Getting a good education.... Working.... Family.
GOD. Getting to know God.
In youth group we just started a new series where we're talking about being a follower, verses being a fan. A fan sticks around the sidelines while a follower... Actually, we haven't talked about what a follower is yet. I believe that is next week (that or I wasn't paying attention).
Similarly, our pastor is always stressing the point that being in the Word of God is very important. We should spend time daily in the Bible, getting to know God.
I think, how much time do people spend watching Doctor Who?
Then I think, how much time do Christians spend watching TV shows. Time that could better be spent getting to know God better.
I know that I spend waaaay too much time watching TV or surfing the wide web. I don't spend nearly enough time with God.
Some say that their teen years are for partying. They use their teen years as an excuse. I am finding that I am using my teen years as an excuse for watching TV. I keep thinking, "I don't want my kids to grow up watching too much TV - ruining their imaginations. I want them to read books. Maybe I won't even HAVE a TV when I get married and have kids! I want them to be closer to God." Then I think, ashamedly, what about me? I could stop watching TV right now. But I'm a teen, I can goof off if I want. I'm a teenager!
I'm using it as an excuse. I realise that. And I really am trying to change. It's hard, though.
Anyway, these are my own personal convictions I've been going through lately... I don't mean to change any of your minds.

So, spending more time with God is my first point.
My second point is family.
Tonight I have been watching family videos from a family reunion on my Dad's side in 1998. The whole family was these - every child and every grandchild (except for my Favorite Cousin, who was not yet born). That is no easy task... My dad has quite a few siblings who each have a few children of their own.
Anyway, my dad was videotaping the whole event. He was asking everyone to tell a story that they remembered of Grandma and Grandpa (or Mom and Dad, for his siblings). He was also being teased for always videotaping. He said at one point, "It's all part of the memories!" and I couldn't help but think, "OHH! RIGHT IN THE FEELS!"
You see, my parental Grandpa passed away last July. For the last 10 years or so, he had been suffering from Alzheimer's, a heightened version of dementia (says Wikipedia). All I know, is that Grandpa didn't know anything when he passed away. His soul was gone and all that was left was an empty shell.

 

Near the end, all he would do was sit with his eyes closed. He would have to be fed and bathed and put to bed. Through it all, my Grandpa loved him and took care of him - everyone in the family did, really.
It was a blessing when God finally took him home. The memorial service was a really really good time. Stories were shared and it was a time of rejoicing in my Grandpa's life.
I never really had a close relationship with my Grandpa, because his Alzheimer's was already pretty bad when I was old enough to have any sort of relationship with him (though from what I hear, he was a pretty hard person to get to know). It was really good to hear stories about him. I kind of got to know him through hearing other people talk about him and I am so grateful for that. I really regret not being able to "get to know him" or even just to observe him. He was my Grandpa, after all.
Anyway, on this family video that I'm watching, he's there. He's not just there, he's there. As in, his mind hasn't gone yet. He was interviewed by some of the family. He was talking, telling stories, telling jokes... And all caught on camera! I was really happy to see that as well.
Tonight I was going to watch Star Wars but I popped this in instead since it was sitting there and I had been wanting to see what was on the tape.
I am SO glad I did.
I am enjoying watching this SO much more than watching Star Wars or Doctor Who or any other TV show.
Watching TV isn't bad. Watching movies isn't bad. But too much TV, to the point of not doing other things, is bad.
Someone said (people say it is Einstein, but I don't know) that "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots."
I think that day has come. We are so caught up in our own little worlds.... We can talk over the internet but it is so impersonal. We watch TV shows and feel like the characters are our friends... Is that right? Shouldn't we be spending more time getting to know our friends, family, relatives, and God? than getting to know TV characters?
I'm not a fangirl. I try to make that known to people. I enjoy TV, and occasionally it becomes more important than other things... But I try really hard not to let it overtake my life. I don't want to be a fangirl. I don't want to spend my whole life talking about TV shows and characters because there is no substance to that sort of life. It is an escape, sure. But for how long? We all have to come back to reality sometime. And when we wake up, we'll find ourselves all alone because we've spent more time watching TV or cat videos than building relationships with people. I don't want that kind of life. There's nothing to that life! It's so dull and surface! There's no depth!
Watching these home videos, where everyone is laughing and talking has really opened my eyes, I think. (And when people weren't laughing or talking they were all sitting in the same room reading. Hee hee. How times have changed... Now we sit in the same room glued to our screens.)
Anyway, this is all my own opinion. It's just stuff I've been thinking about lately.

And seeing my Grandpa smiling and laughing may just be the best thing I will see this month.