Tuesday, January 22, 2013

A new opening sentence.

I am re-writing The Prologue for Defenders of the Realm, even now, as we speak (okay, not now because we're not speaking and I can't type two things at once).
I'm about a third of the way done and will hopefully find time to finish it in the next day or two. Then it shall be posted here.
I am already much happier with how it is progressing. It isn't so boring now. And I've added some background information!
Here is my new opening sentence (background information and all!).

   Legend had it that on the darkest night of the month, the New Moon, Undead minions – living skeletons in service to Varkolak, from the battles of old - entered cities and farm communities, stealing children, unmarried women, and the elderly from their beds, to be feasted upon.
What do you think?
Live long and prosper!

5 comments:

  1. Whoa, that is a gripping first sentence. I love it.

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  2. Oh, goodness... I have still have an email from you in my inbox that I need to reply to, don't I? Wow, things slip my mind so quickly...

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  3. I feel like it needs a 'MWAHAHAHAHA!' somewhere in it.

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  4. I like it! It is very exciting and makes me want to know more. (Also, I agree with Jessica. It is just asking for a dark cloaked character to pop up, rub his hands, and cackle MAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!) Can't wait to read more.

    Math. Math needs banished. End of story. *BANISHES IT!*

    I have heard that, in fact, about the girl dressed as the boy. Which, as you will likely know, made me nervous to venture it. I have read so many books like that I wanted to throw the next I found - thankfully the next was Leviathan and had a cool cover so I read it.
    I am not sure how well it all worked out in my series, I'm just hoping it won't flop on me because a certain someone refused to behave until later in the series. *Eyes certain someone* But aye, that is one which has to be carefully done because it is ALL OVER.

    AND AYE!! I think the worse are as you said, the stuck up girl and the fellow who knows next to nothing. I can't stand to read books like that. I always give up. I tried one because it was supposed to be wonderful. I read a page. The girl did something dumb and the boy saved her and she acted like he'd just insulted her and I was silently screaming, "FINE! Next time he can let you die!!"

    I have a feeling this romantic book I am working on will have cliche bits in it, I am just hoping I can find a way to keep them rather sweet and funny. (All of my characters turn romantic on me, but when i told this lot they could they went blank as if they don't know how. And they started all this romance by doing it first, and now they won't. Must be a character thing, never do as the author wishes.)


    Calcifer is great. I really like him. I saw his name in House of Many Ways and wanted to cheer.

    Nope, you didn't give away any spoilers. I knew something was odd about Waif. I don't suppose he's another missing prince, but I have a feeling he is MUCH more then what he seems. I'm going to laugh if he is actually Howl, doing who knows what.

    Speaking of fan fiction, have I ever sent you this link? http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5698125/1/However_Improbable I haven't had a chance to finish it, but what I read I enjoyed. it is well done too. (I am saving the one you sent to read when I get a chance. Some fan fiction can be a lot of fun.)

    Aye, I bet Moriarty is holding Irene hostage too, or something. I am curious how E-Lock will take her return, and Joan. Because sometimes it seems as if Joan is starting to like him.
    I am glad they did the twist though, it makes it a lot less like Sherlock and more interesting. Not so predictable, which is fun.

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  5. Ah! Creepy! Who will fight against them?

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