Here is the passive voice sentence (names changed for security reasons. Also, writing in passive voice is really really hard after learning to use good word choice at an early age!):
After dropping Lucy off, we went home. The storm system we had seen approaching was here. It was raining really hard. Lots of water was on the road. We were afraid of hydroplaning. There were teenagers walking home from the Highschool in the downpour and I was glad I was warn in the car, out of the rain. As soon as we were at home in the garage, the rain stopped.
Here is the rewritten-in-active-voice paragraph:
The blue sky smiled down from fluffy Autumn clouds as Lucy grabbed her things and hurried to her house. Mom and I watched her reach the front door before driving to our own home. The clouds darkened as we drove through the back road neighborhoods. The storm system chased us from Starbucks - our location for literature class - and finally caught up. Suddenly the last wisps of blue sky and white cloud disappeared and the whole sky turned into a solid gray wall of cement. The rain began to fall, sipping its misty stage and going straight to Noah's flood. We were under siege, droplets pelting us like machine gun fire. Tiny bombs of water exploded everywhere. An electric guitar Carol of the Bells added to the suspense of the situation. Low visibility kept our eyes glued to the street, watching for danger. The road, coated in water, made hydroplaning a serious concern. I glanced out the window and though danger tugged at our tires, I didn't wish to be anywhere else for outside the Highschool's students walked home, shoulder hunched and hoods drawn up. We accelerated up the hill to our house, parking in the garage, safe from the storm. As we hurried into the house the rain fell to a drizzle and then stopped altogether. I settled down to my homeworking, wishing for the pitter patter of rain to accompany the scratch scratch of my pencil. But the storm passed, no doubt already waging war on the next neighborhood.
Live long and prosper!
Passive voice looks painful to write. The active voice sounds a lot better too!
ReplyDeleteYou got my interest...I'd like to hear more about the rest of the day. Grama
DeleteThank you! I am glad you liked the snippets! (The name yelling was fun to write. I was worried it wouldn't work because when one tries to write a scene like that it just gets confusing. So I am hoping it doesn't.)
ReplyDeleteI loved Clair's drawing as well. She practically designed the suit herself as I didn't have a very good design when I wrote it. (Sometimes I worry she can read my mind because she draws them just as I picture them, though I can never describe them as I see them.)
I was too shocked to yell when I saw Rose. I just gaped while my sister squealed. (Hm, your dad's reaction matches a lot of other people who are around us Doctor Who geeks. We must be odd.)
I love the Ood too. They are a lot of fun.
I believe they are bringing the other Ten and Rose back, which will be fun. But having them back would only make Jack's return even more fun.
I like Charity. I am now a bit closer to the end - I won't say incase you aren't there yet. But the more she is around the more I like her. I like Mr. Mumby too. He is such fun! He kind of lives in his own world, though he is still very caring about his family. And I like the new Aliens. I didn't think I would, but they had me laughing so hard.
Oh! I didn't realize that, but you are right! E-lock only does work for the police! He misses all the other cases, with people just randomly walking in on him.
I hope all is well!
Allons-y!