The Adventure of the Chocolate Cake

Step one: Get chocolate cake and chocolate frosting mix from your garage where it has sat in a plastic bag for who knows long (and hope that your mother wasn't saving it for something... Not that you can ask her, because she is over 1,000 miles away visiting your grandparents).

Step two: Preheat over to 350 degrees.

Step three: Crack two eggs into a bowl.

Step four: Add some coconut oil (after deciding that the recipe didn't mean olive oil or car oil, and desperately hoping that it will work the same as cooking oil, which you are out of) and water and whisk it all together.

Step five: Add the cake mix and continue whisking.

Step six: Pour into buttered pan.

Step six-and-a-half: Lick utensils (this is very important).

Step seven: Bake cake for twenty-five minutes. While the cake bakes, make frosting. Wait an immeasurable amount of time for cake to cool before applying frosting.

Step eight: JUST EAT IT (*epic Michael Jackson guitar riff*).