Look! I made a bow and arrow!

This is what I do at 10:30 at night.

I saw a picture of a crossbow made from pencils... and since all of our pencils aren't the same size (as those were in the picture), I went to my handy dandy box of pencil crayons.
But then I decided to upgrade the model and ditch three of the pencils...
So basically, I stuck two pins in either side of the pencil crayon (and then I taped the pins on just in case they decided to fall out - which they did... before the tape). Then I taped one of those chip-clip-things to the pencil crayon and tada! Just add one rubberband and a pen through the clip-thing and you have a ready-made mini-weapon, just in case squirrels come to invade your house.

Actually... in light of the above picture... a giant robot brandishing a banjo being driven by David Crowder might be better than a mini-bow made out of a pencil crayon...

Live long and prosper! And don't be attacked by squirrels.

Facing my fears.

I have many fears. Some are more defined (such as the fear of getting a migraine) but most are the Great Fear of the Unknown.
This big giant fear is something that most people struggle with... It includes general things such as: fear the future, fear of going to a foreign country, fear of trying new foods, etc. I think that as people, we fear the unknown because we're afraid of getting hurt somehow.
These past two days, I was forced to face some of these Unknown Fears.


Yesterday, I took the train all by myself down to visit my friend at her Bible college.
This was my first time going on a trip all by myself without parents, church people, or friends with me. Not only that, I took the train, which is something I've only done once before (and that was probably six or seven years ago - and I had my mom and a bunch of other homeschoolers with me). Not only that, I had to socialize with people I didn't know. Not only that, they were college people I didn't know.
Recently, I discovered that I really don't like talking to people because I have this weird thing in my head that either they'll judge whatever I say, or they just won't care about what I'm talking about. This is increased tenfold when I have to talk to someone of the opposite gender. I also don't like talking to people because they most likely won't ask me anything interesting... they'll ask me either a) what grade are you in? (someone I'm incapable of answering because we have never defined my grade) or b) where are you thinking of going to college/what colleges have you looked into? (something I'd really really really like to NOT talk about right now because all the stress and SATs and grades and requirements and the threat of dorm life and having to interact with people makes me want to cry - which goes back to the weird thing where I think people will either judge me or not care about what I'm talking about/interested in. Plus I'm still a highschooled teenager, and all highschoolers are basically empty-headed-care-only-about-drama-and-can't-have-deep-thoughts, right?).
Anyway, the impending threat of having to talk to people and somehow fit in with my friend's crowd (which is very, very different than people I would normally be drawn to) was very, very terrifying for me. Even more terrifying than the train ride and going somewhere by myself.


I'd like to share how I got through these fears.
First of all, with a lot of prayer, and some Bible reading (the Matthew verses about 'do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.' I don't know the reference right off the top of my head. Also the end of Philippians 3 and all of Phil. 4. It has some really good verses about who we, as Christians, are working for, and the goal we are working towards. Also two of my favorite verses... Phil. 4:8 - think on whatever is pure, right, holy, etc. and Phil. 4:6-7 which is another 'do not worry' verse [but by prayer and petition and thanksgiving present your request to the Lord]).
The above verses are really, really encouraging and help me to remember that God is in control. He's got this. I don't need to worry. (Which reminds me of another verse that our guitarist shared at worship practice tonight - 1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you).


The other thing that helps me face my fears is just doing it. If I sit and think about the scary things, they get more scary. But if I don't think about them/focus on them, and just do whatever it is, I can get through relatively unscathed.
Like talking to people. I went to bed last night thinking "Oh no, tomorrow I have to meet/interact with more of the people here!" But I didn't let myself focus on that. Talking to people and interacting with them is inevitable. I would love to hole up in my room and never have to worry about talking to people again... never have to worry about good impressions... never have to worry that people think I'm weird/not good enough/an idiot/empty-headed/cares only about trivial things... But I can't become a hermit. God created us to be in relationship with one another, and the best way to do that is to be out interacting with people - building strong relationships, not holed up somewhere online.
So no matter how awful talking with people makes me feel, I know it's good for me. So I just do it. I talk to people. I introduce myself to people. I'm friendly. I shake people's hands. I ask them about things (because people love to talk about themselves). Who cares what they think of me? Their opinion doesn't matter! The only opinion that matters is God's. He sees my heart and my mind. He knows my good intentions and my selfish ones. He knows that I'm not weird(er than other people). He knows that I'm not an idiot. He knows I don't care only for trivial things. So what does other people's opinions mean to me? Well, they're a nice affirmation of things that I already know. But if people have the wrong idea about me, that's their problem because they didn't get to know me and jumped to conclusions. (I struggle with that; jumping to conclusions too quickly. It's partly 'cause of my imagination - I imagine the woman in the boots walking down the street is actually a mastermind criminal from outerspace masquerading as a human. [Okay, maybe not that farfetched]. It's something I'm working on).


The train is something that I really just had to do without thinking much about it, because if I started thinking too much about it, I'd probably have freaked myself out. Not so much the train part... but the going without my parents part (what would happen if I got a migraine? Thank the Lord that I didn't!).
Actually, the train ride (and the trip to the bookstore and my friend's theology class) was the best part of the trip. I LOVE trains and was super excited about getting to travel on one. I'd travel by train always if I could (has anyone seen the commercial where the guy wins the lottery and builds himself a train? If I ever come into a substantial amount of money... look out!).


Anyway, I'm not exactly sure how to end this post... it's become sort of a culmination of all the feelings that have been keeping me awake at night for the past few forevers... (mostly the past few weeks. My friend calls the thoughts that keep you up at night "the committee." It fits). Sometimes you just have to blah all the feelings out.


I'll leave you with two things:
1- If you see me, please refrain from asking about colleges. Instead, ask me how life is going. Ask me about my writing, my music, books, Star Trek, what I will study at college (not what college I'll attend. Why is so much emphasis put on the where and not what we'll be doing once we get there?).


2-
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, season 1, episode 1, Emissary.

One of my new year's "resolutions" was to rewatch Star Trek's third incarnation of the series... Deep Space Nine. It was kind of a half-series half-joking goal. If I had time, I'd watch it. Well, I watched the first episode. And I figured, if I'm going to watch it, I may as well review each episode!
So I present to you... the first episode of Deep Space Nine: Emissary. (A warning: this summary will most likely be very long, since this is the first episode, and characters and plot must be established.)

Summary: On Stardate 43997, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship Enterprise was kidnapped for six days by an invading force known as the Borg. Surgically altered, he was forced to lead an assault on Starfleet at Wolf 359...
Commander Benjamin Sisko was aboard the U.S.S. Saratoga, one of 39 out of 40 ships that didn't make it through Wolf 359. When the bridge is hit by a Borg beam, Commander Sisko must take over command - the captain is dead. The warp core breaches and Sisko orders evacuation. He goes to his quarters to find his family... His young son Jake is alive! but his wife is not. Another officer helps Commander Sisko to a shuttlecraft, where they escape the massacre of Wolf 359.
Three years later, Ben Sisko and Jake are on their way to Deep Space Nine. It is a space station in the farthest reaches of Federation space, and hovers above the planet Bajor. Until just recently, Bajor had been occupied by the Cardassians. They had been fighting a war against their oppressors and had finally won after long, long years of struggling. The new Bajoran government turned to Starfleet for help, and Starfleet have sent Commander Sikso to be in charge of Deep Space Nine, formerly Terok Nor under Cardassian rule, the new Federation presence in that sector.
On the station, Ben meets Miles O'Brien - a familiar face to Next Generation watchers - who is the new chief of operations. O'Brien takes him on a mini-tour, showing him the havoc the Cardassians left behind when they left. After dropping Jake off in their new quarters, Ben and O'Brien head up to ops, the center of the station.
There they run into Major Kira Nerys, a former resistance fighter - and Sikso's new second in-command. She openly tells him that she doesn't want the Federation to be there. She thinks that within a week, the Federation will be gone, and then Bajor will have Civil War, unless Kai Opaka - Bajor's spiritual leader - prevents it. Later, we learn that Ben Sisko doesn't want to be on Deep Space Nine either. Being a single parent is hard and he'd rather raise Jake on earth.
Major Kira is called away to check on a break-in. Lot of them have been happening since the Cardassians left. Ben follows her and they catch the thieves red-handed ("What color are their hands now?" - Muppets). One of the thieves is Nog, the nephew of Quark, who is a Ferengi bar-owner. Quark, his brother Rom, Nog, and the other bar-workers were going to leave the next day, but Ben makes Quark a deal. If he stays and re-opens his bar on the promenade (a part of the station full of shops and restaurants), Ben won't put Nog in the brig. Quark agrees, though not happily. Constable Odo is also not happy. He's had a lot of trouble with Quark in the past.
Ben is then called down to the planet of Bajor, where he meets Kai Opaka. She shows him an orb and tells him that there were once nine of them, but the Cardassian's stole the others. The orbs were sent by the Prophets, and Ben must find the Celestial Temple before the Cardassians. She gives him the orb and tells him that he is their Emissary.
The next day the science and medical personal arrive and Ben is reunited with an old friend, Dax. He also meets the new chief medical officer, Julian Bashir, who obviously has a crush on Dax, and asks her out to dinner. "Jadzia! Maybe we could get together later for dinner ororororor-or a ddrink?"
Dax: "I'd be delighted."
Ben: "Isn't he a little young for you?"
Dax: "He's 27, I'm 28."
Ben: "328 you mean. Does he know about that worm in your belly?"
Back in ops, a Cardassian ship is sighted. It's the former leader of Deep Space Nine, Gul Dukat. He's come to "welcome" the new Starfleet presence, and "offer" his help. His real purpose in coming is to size Sisko up and ask him about the orb that Kai Opaka gave him.
After Dukat leaves, Sisko and Dax start examining the orb. They figure out that they need to go and look at the nearby Dinorius Belt, but have to find a way to get past the Cardassians unseen.
They employ Odo, who is a shape-shifter, to do the task. He sneaks aboard the Cardassian vessel, disguised as a bag of money, and muddles their sensors. Then, Dax and Ben, in a shuttlecraft, are able to fly out to the Dinorius Belt to have a look.
What they find is astonishing - the only stable wormhole in the known galaxy! They land inside the wormhole (also astonishing) and another orb floats towards them.
A typical Star Trek scene plays out.
"It's scanning us! Let's scan it back. Let's try to talk to it! Hello-" BAM and it blasts them. As Sisko struggle up, Dax is materialized into the orb, and it takes her back to Deep Space Nine. Sisko remains in the wormhole and meets the wormhole aliens, who the Bajorans mistakenly think are gods. Really, they are highly advanced aliens who are outside of linear time. Ben explains linear time to them (and he doesn't use "wibbly, wobbly, timey, wimey... stuff") and also life and death. They take him back through his experiences and he lives the death of his wife over again. He learns that he's never truly let go of her, and that in order to be an effective leader and father, he must learn to get over his wife's death.
Back on Deep Space Nine, senior officers are trying to figure out what happened to Sisko, and how to get him out. They plan a rescue mission and go out in a shuttlecraft. By now, Gul Dukat's ship is working again and they've noticed the wormhole. They fly towards it and enter - only to have the wormhole collapse once they've gone through! Now there's no hope for the rescue mission.
To further complicate things, Kira wants O'Brien to move the massive station to the mouth of where the wormhole used to be - to stake a claim to it. He does... and then three Cardassian ships arrive! demanding to know where Gul Dukat's ship is. They don't believe Kira, who tells them that their leader's ship went into a wormhole, which then collapsed. They give Kira one hour to tell the truth, or they'll destroy Deep Space Nine.
Since Deep Space Nine was stripped by the Cardassians when they left, there is no weapons and hardly any shields. O'Brien does some clever stuff with a computer and gives them about 30% shields, and the appearance that they have more shields and weapons than they actually have. The Cardassians don't fall for the rouse and start attacking the station.
Suddenly the wormhole opens up again and Sisko comes out in the shuttlecraft, dragging Gul Dukat's ship with him. Everything is explained and the Cardassians leave. The wormhole aliens agree to let any ships through to the gamma quadrant (which is on the other side) without interfering.
The episode ends with station life settling into normality. Sisko and O'Brien walk down the promenade, discussing things to improve the station, Kira and Odo whip Quark into shape, and Julain settles into his role as doctor.

Thoughts on plot: For a one and a half hour show, they did an EXCELLENT job fitting everything in. They had to introduce the Bajorans, who made an appearance in the Next Generation, but weren't a huge part of the show. Not only did they have to introduce the Bajorans, they had to introduce the Bajorans religion and their history... For the past few decades, they've been occupied by a race called the Cardassians. They finally overthrew their oppressors, and all of that had to be introduced. On top of introducing a whole new cast of characters (Deep Space Nine has one of the largest casts in the Star Trek universe. Off the top of my head, I can think of 15 main characters and even more secondary characters. And Morn).

Thoughts on characters: Here are the characters that were introduced this episode:
Commander Benjamin Sisko: The new commander of Deep Space Nine. His wife was killed at Wolf 359 and he has a 14-year-old son named Jake. Ben is a fair commander who can get along with most anyone. Anyone he doesn't get along with, he's extremely polite to. He loves baseball. He is good friends with the Dax symbiot.

Major Kira Nerys: She is a the Bajoran first officer, and a former resistance fighter. She is most definitely an ex-soldier and is blunt, gruff and strong-willed because of it.

Chief Miles O'Brien: O'Brien is the Irish chief of operations on the station. He makes sure everything is working right. He was introduced in the first episode of Next Generation as transporter chief and made appearances in the show frequently. He is married to Keiko, and they have one daughter named Molly.

Jadzia Dax: Jadzia is the main science officer. She is the Spock or Data-like character... logical and very smart. She also has a mischievous side to her and enjoys having fun. Jadzia is a Trill and is joined to the Dax symbiot. She is Dax's ninth host. The previous host was Curzon, an old man, and friend of Ben Sisko's. As a result, Ben often calls Dax "old man."

Constable Odo: Odo was constable over the station when the Cardassian's were in charge, though he was always sympathetic towards to Bajorans. He has stayed on as constable now. He is a shape-shifter and no one really knows where he came from or what he is. He is a mystery. He is gruff and would like nothing better than to put Quark under bars for good. He and Kira are friends.

Julian Bashir: Chief medical officer. Julian is British and fresh out of Starfleet. He was offered any job in the Federation and chose to come to Deep Space Nine to experience "real frontier medicine." He is eager and very smart. He has a crush on Dax. Also, he was my first fictional crush. He's the type of person you either love or hate.

Quark: Quark is a Ferengi who owned a bar on Deep Space Nine during the occupation. Ben Sisko convinced him to stay after the Federation moved in. Quark's bar in the center of entertainment on the promenade. Quark is a swindler and crook and definitely not to be trusted. He's only out to make more acquisition. But he's Ferengi, so we really shouldn't be surprised.

Gul Dukat: The former Cardassian in charge of the station. He is sneaky, sly, and just has this evil slimy presence about him. Ugh, maybe I'm biased, because I've seen the rest of the series... but argh Dukat is so slimy! He's one of the best bad guys I've ever seen.

Jake Sisko: Ben's 14-year old son.

Nog: Quark's young nephew, quickly learning dishonesty and the other ways of Ferengi.

Things to be wary of: There are a few swear words and some low-cut dresses. Also, the Bajorans weird religion is introduced. They believe that the aliens in the wormhole are their "prophets." Their religion focuses a lot of meditation and finding your inner peace and inner self and stuff.

Rating/overall thoughts: 10/10 for a new Star Trek show. I think that characters and plot were introduced greatly and I'm looking forward to watching the next episode!

Best line or scene: (Kira and Julian are in the infirmary)
Kira: "Sorry about the mess... it looks like looters got in here too."
Julian: "Oh, this will be perfect! Real... frontier medicine."
Kira: "Frontier medicine?"
Julian: "Major, I had my pick of any job in the fleet. I didn't want a cushy job or a research grant. I wanted this - the farthest reaches of the galaxy. One of the remotest places. This is where adventure is! This is where heroes are made! Right here in the wilderness."
Kira: "This wilderness is my home."
Julian: *awkward silence as Kira storms out*

Morn sighting: There is one character who shows up in every single episode of Deep Space Nine. He is Morn, a patron of Quark's bar. He rarely talks and blends into the background, but's he's a staple.
Here is his first appearance:

Next time on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine... A Bajoran terrorist with ties to Kira shows up on the station, with Cardassians hot on his trail.

An After the Twelfth Night related update... among other things.

I know that I said the eBook version of After the Twelfth Night would be out by the end of January... but I'm not so sure of that now. Life's been busy and I have other priorities. I'm just now starting to look at Lulu.com's eBook guide and it's looking like a lot more work than I anticipated or have time for at the present.
Never fear!
Eventually the eBook version - and the Amazon version - will be out. I'm just not sure when that will be. I need to sit down with my dad some Saturday and figure it all out (ironically, at least the next two Saturdays, we're both busy with various activities).


Until then, you can always check out the paperback version on Lulu.com. The first three pages of the story (plus the table of contents and boring stuff like that) are available for preview to whet your curiosity.


On this blog, you can expect (also in the undefined future) to see book reviews on all the literature books I've fallen behind on reviewing (Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, The Faerie Queene Book 1, King Lear... and by the time I get caught up, Paradise Lost and Pride and Prejudice too, probably!) and also a review-ish sort of thing on the first episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Other than that... what would you like me to blog about? Since After the Twelfth Night is out, I could stop being so secretive and introduce you to some of the characters, settings, or thought-processes behind it all. Or I could read the first chapter aloud... or share some first-draft to polished-draft changes... or show you the step-by-step of the new cover... or show you a character sketch I did of Antonio waaay back before I even started writing the book (he looks nothing like the picture anymore)...
Or I could blog about something totally different. Dolls? Books? Things that matter? My new secret project?
I'm trying to be less secretive about my writing this year. Not sure how that's going to turn out... At any rate, I'll tell you two things about my secret project:
1. Even though it's fantasy-esque, I'm doing research on various mythical/fantastical races. Currently open in my browser is the Wikipedia page for "elf."
2. Characters keep popping up and I have no clue where they came from. Characters I thought were just guards are becoming more important... and a character who I thought was more important is stepping back into the shadows (well, he is sort of a hermit). And a character I thought was nice is actually grumpy.


EDIT: I forgot to add something... I'm trying to get better at answering people's comments in the comments box. I haven't done too much of that in the past, but am starting now.


The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. (Phil. 4:23)